Walk Away And I Stumble
by Friends Babe
Summary: Chandler is a happily married man with two children, but when a soulmate walks into your life how do you react? And what if something threatens to take them away from you before you've even begun to know them?
1. Chapter 1

_Wow, I haven't posted anything on here for a while, sorry about that! If anyone actuallycares, lol. This is the first of several fics I'm working on at the moment, and this is shaping up to be a longish one. It's named after the recent ITV drama of the same name, and takes the basic idea from there, but I didn't watch the show so the rest is all mine. For those of you in other countries without ITV then you don't really need to know anything about the show to follow this. But, a few things I have to tell you all, Chandler and Ross were friends in college, all that happened, but Monica and Rachel moved to Boston, not NYC, and have lived there ever since, thus the four of them were never really friends. Apart from that, sit back, enjoy and review. Good or room for improvement I want to know!_

_Nina xxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 1**

"No!"

Chandler couldn't help but smile, even though it broke his feeble attempt at authority. His daughter was currently bouncing up and down on her parent's bed, her blonde curls dancing with the motion, and her clothes still in her father's hand. She looked so beautiful right then, just like her mother. As her watched her, just watched her bounce as her smile grew wider, he realised exactly why he was so happy, why he loved Molly so much. Never, in all his years had he felt such love for other people. He was tempted to just forget about lunch and spend the day with his kids, just playing in the yard. He could teach Charlie how to play baseball, and Lauren could cheer for them, before they had a nice tea party, just father, daughter and several hundred stuffed toys.

"Chandler?"

He turned quickly, not even aware that someone else had been in the room. His smile grew wider when he saw Molly leaning against the door frame, her hazel eyes shining with love and her heart shaped mouth curved into a smile. "Hey …" he replied, not sure how to convey the love her felt surging through his body at that moment. Molly simply smiled back at him, the same feelings reflected in her eyes. It was only then that Lauren began to scream louder, fully aware that her parents attention was no longer focussed on her. Chandler grinned as he turned to face her before scooping her up in his arms and tickling her mercilessly, all the while feeling like the luckiest man in the world.

XXX

Ross sighed as he put the phone down, once again wondering why he was always seen as the dependable and reliable one. He hated it sometimes, he really did. Why did he always have to be the one people called when their own lives got so screwed up for them to handle it? If they didn't want to be in that situation then they shouldn't get into it. His sister had just called him, the first phone call he'd had from her in over three months, telling him that she needed a place to stay for a few days. And he was the lucky winner. He slowly rubbed his forehead, already feeling the inevitable headache coming on. Monica had moved to Boston over seven years ago when she was offered a job in an upmarket restaurant. Rachel had followed her a few months later and since then they'd been having the time of their lives. But apparently, from what Ross had gathered over the frantic phone call, the guy Monica had been seeing (living with, apparently) had been cheating on her with half of Boston and Monica needed to move out. With a stop over at Hotel Ross. But she'd said it would only be for a few days, maybe that would be OK. She would be gone before he'd even realised she'd arrived. And she was a big girl; it wasn't like he'd have to baby-sit her. Sure, she'd have to tag along to a few things, but that was … shit. He was having dinner with Chandler and Molly tomorrow. He'd definitely have to take Monica to that. Sighing deeply he picked up the phone again and dialled his best friends number. Molly picked up on the first ring,

"Hello?" she answered, her carefree tone a welcome relief.

"Hey Molly it's me. Is Chandler about?"

He could almost hear the smile in her voice, "Yeah, he's just trying to get Lauren dressed, but I guess he could do with rescuing. Gimme a sec". Ross waited, enjoying the bustle of family life, even if it wasn't his own. He could hear Lauren's giggling echoing down the phone, and Charlie's chanting at his father to tickle her 'harder'. He'd always liked going over to Chandler and Molly's. Their life always seemed so much more lifelike than his own. And he enjoyed that more than he liked to admit.

"Hey man what's up?" Chandler called out, breaking Ross' daydream.

"Hey, it's about tomorrow night. Is it OK if my sister tags along? She's coming into town.. Boyfriend trouble."

Chandler laughed, "Sure, no problem. I'll call the restaurant now. She OK?"

Ross sometimes wondered, "Yeah, she'll bounce back. I'll see you tomorrow then"

"See you tomorrow"

And with that Ross was catapulted back to his humdrum existence, where he saw his son twice a month and the only woman who had called him in the past month was his little sister.

XXX

"Monica you can't just leave!" Rachel called out, hoping against hope that her best friend would see sense this time, "You're whole life's here!"

"No it's not Rach, not any more. And I can leave. I can't stay in this apartment, I've got a week off from work. I need some time out. You can understand that can't you?"

"But Mon, you're not thinking straight …"

Monica laughed, not really at her friend, more with the knowledge that she still could, "I am. For the first time in months I'm thinking straight. Jack was an idiot. I know that. And he can keep his stupid apartment. I need some time."

Rachel shook her head in desperation, "But where will you go? Not to your parents?"

Monica turned to face her, her face contorted in disgust, "God no. Can you imagine? They'd love to tell me how I've ruined another perfectly good relationship. No, I'm going to my brother's. In New York"

Rachel sat down, still shaken by the events of the past 24 hours. It had all started the day before, when Monica had called to cancel their cinema plans. Jack had decided to take her out to dinner. Treat her like a lady. Rachel had agreed, the two had been having a rough time lately and she wanted them to work it out. She'd gone to the movies by herself, not even caring how sad she might look, before calling and getting some Chinese food to eat in bed. By the time she'd got in there were six messages on her phone, all from Monica, telling her to call. She did immediately, terrified from the voice on her machine that something had happened. That at that moment Jack was lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Instead Monica told her how at dinner Jack had sat her down and told her she needed to know something. She'd assumed he was about to propose. Instead he'd told her she wasn't his only girlfriend, there were three others. He hadn't wanted to tell her, she was the one he really loved, but one woman was pregnant and he couldn't ignore that. How Monica hadn't stayed long enough to hear any more, she'd hailed a cab home and locked him out before calling Rachel. She'd slept on Rachel's couch that night. And now here they were, somehow, frantically trying to pack up Monica's life before she caught her plane, and despite her friends strong appearance, Rachel knew this had hit her hard. And she couldn't go through it alone.

"Mon?" she asked quietly, receiving only a faint murmur from her friend, "I'll come with you"

Monica turned quickly, facing her friend while still clutching her half folded denim skirt, "What? Rach you can't, what about work … ?"

"Screw work Mon. You need your friends right now, and I'd be a really lousy one if I didn't offer to go with you. Besides it'll be fun, we can see the sights. Be proper tourists"

Slowly Monica nodded and cried her first real tears since she'd run away from the restaurant, holding onto her friend for dear life.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for all the reviews guys! They meant a lot, and in the immortal words of Katie circa S5, you guys are too much! Here's Part 2, again, please read and review, any comments or constructive criticism is always welcome :) Thanks again!_

_Nina xxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 2**

Ross stood at the airport, invisible amongst the crowd milling around Gate 17. They all seemed so happy to be there, so excited to see whomever was about to walk out of the double doors. Ross felt like an intruder, someone who didn't really belong there. He loved his sister, he really did, but he just wasn't too thrilled with her just using him as a free stop over while she tried to sort out her tangled love life. He smiled wryly as he remembered her parting words to him and their parents, "I don't need your help! Now or ever!" Since then he'd let her stay at his apartment four times when things went wrong. Once she'd lost her job, once had been a fight with Rachel, and this one made it twice that a boyfriend had gone wrong. So much for not needing help. Just then the doors opened and the passengers of Flight 1016 from Boston descended into the fading New York light.

He saw her almost immediately, her dark hair longer than the last time he saw her, and her one small case clutched tightly in her pale hands. She recognised him at the same instant and before he had even finished taking in her appearance, her arms were around his neck and her body pressed against his. And suddenly he didn't care about all the unprecedented visits, he was just glad to see his little sister again.

"Mon, I got our things"

Ross didn't even acknowledge the other voice, no longer familiar to him, he simply filed it away with all the other background noise in the crowded arrivals terminal. It was only when Monica pulled away and began talking to the owner of the voice that he decided to investigate it further. He glanced fleetingly at the attractive brunette and prayed Monica would introduce them, she seemed like the kind of girl he would like to meet.

"Ross, you remember Rachel right?"

Rachel? Rachel Green? No, this couldn't be Rachel Green? Her nose was different for one thing, and Rachel Green would not have grown up to be this beautiful. Never. But the woman, the supposed Rachel Green was smiling expectantly at him, her heart shaped mouth curved in the most beautiful fashion, and so he did what he always did. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and once more became Ross, Monica's dependable older brother, "Yeah of course. It's good to see you again Rachel, I didn't know you were coming" he added as he began gathering their bags.

She smiled at him apologetically and once more his heart melted, "No, sorry. I just kind of invited myself last night. I hope it's OK"

OK? Ross was one step away from telling her she could share his bed if things got cramped. "It's no trouble, really. I've always got room" He returned her smile in what he hoped was an endearing way. She simply lowered her eyes downward and continued to make her way out of the airport. And Ross was left facing the inevitable conversation with Monica.

"Hey bro" she began, obviously hoping he wasn't about to turn into their mother and berate her for loosing another 'perfectly good boyfriend'. "How've you been?"

He indulged her, "Fine Mon, just fine. I've got dinner plans with Chandler and Molly tomorrow night. Sorry, we have dinner plans with Chandler and Molly tomorrow night"

She attempted a grin, "Great. A whole evening of looking at baby pictures and discussing the rising prices of education. I wish I'd have known, I'd have booked longer off work"

"This isn't a joke Monica" he shot back, his patience wearing thin, "You can't just keep turning up here every time you mess up your love life"

"Me mess it up! OK big brother, you tell me precisely how it was my fault that my boyfriend decided to screw his way round Boston?"

Before he could even think about a retort Rachel approached them again, having obviously heard the sibling dispute, "Erm … I got us a cab, it's waiting outside". They both smiled and thanked her, the three of them pretending that nothing hap happened. Monica and Rachel both expressed their delight at being in the city, Ross promised them the tourist tour during their stay. During the long cab drive back to Ross' apartment they yawned loudly and made declarations of bed as soon as they arrived back. Ross told them to lie in the following day, and he would pick them up later for dinner. Both smiled and told him they were looking forward to it. The journey home continued in much the same way. Lie being placed on top of lie in order to keep at least a precarious grip on normality and peace. By the time Ross had paid for the cab (_No need_. He had protested, _you're guests, it's my pleasure to pay_), Monica and Rachel were already inside and rooting around for their pyjamas. He nodded curtly at them both, and made his way quickly to his bedroom. He was afraid the sight of Rachel in her PJs might just tip him right over the edge.

XXX

Chandler woke late the next morning, the joys of only working four days in five making themselves known to him. He rolled over, expecting to find Molly's warm body lying next to him. She would have gotten up early to wash and dress the kids before dropping them off at various establishments, but then she would be right back to bed, curled up next to him. Not really asleep, but at least pretending that she had woken up with him. The way they used to before the children arrived. But today was different, today Molly was not next to him. Instead there was the cold, starchy feel of the sheets beneath his arm. A feeling Chandler was not used to, nor did he possess any desire to become used to. He sat up slowly, rubbing non-existent sleep from his eyes before padding downstairs barefoot, hoping to find his wife somewhere in the house.

He heard her before he saw her, her laughter ringing out like a thousand Christmas mornings. He used to hate romantic couples, would actively avoid them, and he had never been quite sure when he'd become one half of one. But he had settled into it all the same, and now a day never really started until he had kissed his wife and told her how much he loved her. And he was more than happy with his pattern, smiling knowingly at the couples he had once crossed the street to avoid, like somehow only they knew the meaning of life, and others were just missing out.

She was dancing in the kitchen, though there was no music playing. Her body moved rhythmically to a tune only she could hear. Chandler just watched her, a low hum ringing out from her lips, as she moved across the kitchen, occasionally picking up a discarded toy, or mopping up a spill. It was only when she spun to face him that the music died on her lips.

"I thought you were still asleep"

He kissed her gently, holding her body close to his, "I woke up". She smiled back at him before teasingly swatting his hands away from her face.

"So I see …"

They smiled together, a couple simply enjoying the moment of each others company before the hustle and bustle of everyday life began to take over. They kissed again, the sweet smell of perfume still lingered around Molly's lips, before life refused to sit still any longer. "Don't forget about dinner tonight. Ross is meeting us there at 8"

Chandler smiled. It seemed like the only appropriate thing to do.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the reviews guys, I really appreciate them :) This is Part 3, and I am sorry for the delay between chapters, I compleatly forgot I hadn't updated, sorry! Please read and review, it always makes my day to have the little e-mails telling me I've got a review. _

_Ninaxxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 3**

Monica ran around the unfamiliar apartment trying desperately to make herself look presentable in the limited clothes she had brought with her. Just because she was spending her evening with what could possibly turn out to be the most boring married couple to ever walk the earth didn't mean she couldn't look her best. She guessed Ross had probably already told them all about her and Jake, and she didn't want to indulge this fantasy by coming dressed as a complete tramp.

"Mon? You almost ready?" Rachel asked, already looking immaculate, as she emerged from the small single bedroom they were sharing for the duration of the trip. Monica shot her a withering glance before resuming the struggle against her appearance. Rachel laughed as she watched her friends performance, before gently grabbing hold of her wrist as she spun around the room, forcing her to be still if only for a minute, "You look amazing. Besides, who are you hoping to meet tonight? It's dinner with me, a woman, your brother and a nice, dull married man. It's hardly dateline." Monica couldn't help but crack a smile, and soon Rachel joined her. They were still laughing when Ross walked in to pick them up almost ten minutes later.

XXX

Chandler glanced around the busy restaurant, keeping a close eye out for Ross. Since they were now adding an extra two seats to their regular table of three, the waiter had moved them to an unfamiliar area at the back of the crowded establishment. Chandler knew as well as Molly did that Ross wouldn't even bother looking for them anymore, he'd simply walk right over to their usual table and be stunned to find three strangers having a very pleasant evening staring back at him. Just then he caught a glimpse of a dark head, accompanied by two smaller ones, definitely Ross, the copious amounts of hair gel gave him away every time. He raised a hand and gave his perfected 'we're over here' wave. No longer to awkward fumble it had been during his college days, now it was a wave to be proud of, and in a strange sort of way, Chandler was.

"You can stop waving now" Molly whispered, a smile already wide across her face, "I think they see us"

Chandler flushed slightly, he hadn't even been aware that he was still waving. He turned to apologise, but then caught her grin and instead kissed her lightly on her lips as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Sorry to interrupt" a voice Chandler didn't recognise, called out, "Do you want us to come back later?"

Chandler turned, expecting to find an impatient waiter but was instead greeted by the one of the most beautiful faces he had ever seen, a face that was smiling at him, not teasing as had often been the case throughout his life, but actually smiling at him, and he had to admit, it felt kinda nice. He found the woman's gaze and smiled back at her, unable to conjure up any kind of comeback. It was Ross who saved him, "Hey guys, sorry we're late." He bent low to kiss Molly's cheek, allowing Chandler a few more precious seconds of looking at the woman, whomever she was, "Chandler, Molly, this is my sister Monica. I do apologise for her, and her friend Rachel".

The group exchanged pleasantries and were seated, but Chandler still couldn't take his eyes of her, more out of curiosity now. Monica Geller. No way, Monica Geller was … well for want of a nice description, fat and ugly. With matted curly dark hair and too much body fat. Not this person, he was about to ask to see the woman's drivers licence when she leaned over and whispered to him, "I know. I dieted for a year. And bought some hair straighteners". He turned quickly, a red flush creeping across his face when he saw her smile and was immediately at ease, he leaned in towards her, "And may I say, it was money well spent". They grinned together, any ice now officially broken.

XXX

"No way! Archie and Jughead?"

"I know it's kinda lame, but I can't help myself sometimes!"

"I know! I drive Molly mad, I have some many comics lying around"

"You're kidding! Wow, I only have a few, you're a proper fan huh?"

Chandler smiled and nodded, happy that for once he could be proud to be a 30 year old man with a passion for children's comics. The evening had flown by in a blur of forgotten summers and newly discovered passions, and Chandler couldn't believe he'd never realised just how much he and Monica Geller had in common during all those summers, Christmases and Thanksgivings he'd spent with the Gellers. He'd spent most of the meal talking to Monica about various things, things he'd never have been able to talk to Molly about, and he'd had a great time. It felt like he'd found a best friend, no matter how ridiculous that sounded. It was only when he heard Molly yawning loudly besides him that he actually looked around at the rest of the table. Molly was practically falling asleep next to him and Ross and Rachel were still talking, but neither seemed especially thrilled with the conversation. He glanced at his watch and was stunned at the time. He turned to Monica, his eyes wide.

"You know we've been talking for almost four hours?"

She opened her mouth wide, "You're kidding!" she exclaimed as she leaned across him slightly and turned his wrist to face her so she could see his watch, "Oh my God!" she began to laugh slightly but Chandler couldn't join her. His wrist still burned from where her fingers had grazed it, conjuring up feelings and emotions that he had long since forgotten. He shook his head, hoping against hope that the motion would remove them from his head, before attempting to join in with Monica's carefree laughter. But it wasn't the same, how could it be?

"I'll get the bill" he suddenly announced, jumping to his feet and walking quickly towards the waiters station, it was only when he heard the footsteps behind him that he realised Monica must have followed him, the one face he was hoping to avoid.

"Chandler?" she asked gently, placing her hand on the small of his back, "Are you OK?"

He turned to face her, fully prepared to smile and say yes, he was fine, he just needed to go because the babysitter would need a ride home, but then he saw her face. Her blue eyes wide with concern and her rose red lips seemed to be calling out to him. "I … I don't know"

She smiled faintly at him, apparently reading his mind, "I know, and you probably wanted to be alone but … well I just thought you could use a hug" she opened her arms wide and he fell into them, enveloping her in his own. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and he gently rested his head on hers, catching the faintest hint of almonds as he did so. They remained that way for as long as it took for all the tension surging through Chandler's body to fall silently to his feet. It was only then that Monica pulled apart from him slowly and leaned in to kiss his cheek, a simple and everyday act, but somewhere in the mix of raw feelings and emotions it went wrong and before he even knew what he was doing, his lips were on hers and it felt … it felt right. It felt the way kissing should. Gentle, yet passionate, soft yet hard all at the same time. They remained entwined for what felt like an eternity, before Monica pulled away breathless and looked deep into his eyes.

"What was that?"

Chandler couldn't answer, but whatever it was, he wished he didn't feel it.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the delay! Here's part 4, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope 2006 is a brilliant year for all of you (19 minutes to go here :) ). Read and review please, they make my day. _

_Nina xxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 4**

The alarm refused to wake Monica the next morning, something she was infinitely thankful for. The extra hours allowed her a peaceful escape from her own world, a world where she was currently playing over the events of the previous evening continuously, and had been ever since they had happened. It was for this reason alone that she had gone to bed in the first place, hoping the sleep would take over and grant her some release. Instead she had tossed and turned well into the night, cursing herself. She had been heartbroken when Jack had told her about his other women, yet there she was, less than 48 hours later, passionately kissing a married man. But more than that, it scared her how much she had enjoyed it, the whole evening. And how, no matter how she tried, she couldn't stop the smile whenever Chandler entered her thoughts.

XXX

Chandler woke early the next morning, having managed to snatch only a few hours sleep. His brain had refused to turn off, had kept him moving all night, tossing and turning in the bed that suddenly seemed too big for him and Molly. There seemed to be an ocean between them now. He had spent the vast majority of the night simply watching her while thoughts of Monica kept entering his brain, taunting him. Her blue eyes, her long dark hair and her lips. Those lips, so soft to touch. And then slowly the image of Molly would come back to him and he'd feel so ashamed he wanted nothing more than to throw himself out of their bedroom window. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't erase the events of the previous nights. And what scared him the most, was that he really didn't want to.

Slowly he realised what he had to do, he had to see her again. Maybe in the harsh light of day she wouldn't seem to striking, so beautiful, so … Monica. Maybe they'd sit down to talk and realise they had nothing in common and then everything would be OK. This silly little childish crush, or whatever it was, would be gone. Monica would fly back to Boston in a few days and he need never see her again. It would be over, just a pathetic little incident to be filed away and never looked upon again.

With the plan now clear in his mind everything seemed so much better. In only a few hours he would have Monica out of his system, he was sure of that now. With a smile on his face he rested his head back on the soft warmth of his pillow and was immediately asleep.

XXX

There was no one else in the apartment when Monica heard the buzzer. Ross was at the museum and Rachel had gone shopping by herself, hurt when Monica told her she really didn't feel up to it today. For a split second she feared it might be Jack, having followed her to New York, but then Chandler's voice rang out across the apartment.

"Hey it's me. Can I come up?"

Monica thought about it for a second, contemplating simply ignoring it and pretending no one was home, but then she realised this was probably for the best. She'd see him and he wouldn't be the same person as last night, they wouldn't have so much in common. They'd be nothing more than awkward strangers. She smiled. And then this silly little crush would be gone, and she could get on with her life, and enjoy New York the way she'd planned. She raced over to the intercom and immediately buzzed him up.

All their plans flew straight out of the window the minute the door was opened and they stood facing each other. Before words had ever been spoken their arms were around each other and their lips pressed together fiercely. They clung together, as though this embrace was the only thing keeping them alive, it was the one thing they'd waited their whole lives for. And they never wanted it to end.

XXX

Molly walked quietly into the kitchen, hoping to surprise Chandler, who she'd assumed would be in their making breakfast, the way he always did on a Saturday. Only she wanted to entice him back to bed, they'd hardly said a word to each other last night and she wanted to rectify that before the kids woke up. She trod carefully, fighting to keep the smile from her face. This proved less difficult when she carefully opened the kitchen door and was greeted with … nothing. No Chandler expertly making breakfast for them all. Just an empty kitchen. Molly's heart fell, she had been so sure he'd be here. It wasn't like him to just take off without waking her and letting her know. Without even thinking she dialled the number to Ross' apartment. It seemed like an eternity before someone picked up, a woman, probably Ross' sister. She was laughing.

"Hello?" she asked, as her laughter grew.

"Hey, it's Molly, erm … Chandler's wife?"

The laughter stopped.

"Oh, hey Molly. Erm … you OK? How can I help?"

Molly took a deep breath, positive she was going to sound crazy, "I just wondered if Chandler was over there, he took off early this morning". She could hear the other woman's tone change, the laughter now completely gone. Molly didn't even really care why, she just wanted to know where her husband was.

"Chandler? No, Ross is at work this morning. I haven't seen Chandler since last night"

Molly sighed and thanked her before replacing the handset and glancing around her empty kitchen, suddenly too big without her husband's laughter to fill it.

XXX

Chandler jumped up quickly, hurriedly gathering his shirt from it's resting place on the kitchen floor. "Jesus Monica. I can't … I'm sorry I just …" he couldn't even finish the sentence. How could he? His heart was still racing, his face flushed. Why had she called? Why had his wife called just then, just when he was in bed with another woman? It seemed too surreal to be true, it just wasn't something that happened to him, not to Chandler Bing.

Monica also seemed to be feeling the same emotions as she frantically dressed and followed him into the living room. "Chandler I … I don't know what to say, I just …" she didn't even know what she wanted to say. Was she sorry that she hadn't stopped things before they'd gone that far? Or was she sorry that Molly had called and stopped them? She prayed with all her heart it was the first.

He shook his head, his clothes now all in place, "It's OK. I mean it was my fault … I should never have … what was I thinking? I might have known things would … you know … I'm sorry, Monica, I mean … what –" Without even thinking she kissed him, cutting off the rest of his garbled sentence. She had hoped that that kiss, coming in the aftermath of a phone call from his wife, would have stemmed the desires that flowed through her body. But it anything, they had intensified.

"Monica I can't" he whispered as he broke the kiss, "I can't. I'm married. I'm married and I can't cheat on Molly. I just can't. I'm sorry"

She smiled at him, fighting hard against the tears, "I know. And it was wrong of me to expect you to. I just … I don't know, I guess I was just starting to feel something for you. That's all"

He didn't even reply. He simply kissed her lightly on her forehead, a goodbye kiss, before he walked home to his wife.


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry this has been away for so long, my internet broke at uni so I couldn't update until I got home, but hopefully there should be another part up on Monday as well as this one (if I get lots of nice reviews, lol). Please read and review! Hope you like it. _

_Nina xxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 5**

Chandler saw his house long before it was even possible to do so. He saw Molly, her feet still encased warmly in her slippers, as she served the kids pancakes. She would have let them sleep in, partly as a treat for them, but mostly for her. They'd all be in the kitchen arguing over blueberry or toffee sauce. They'd have toffee, they did every Saturday but Molly still pushed the blueberry, believing that as long as she suggested it, it was OK that they always went for the sweets. He'd walk in and the kids would scream, well Lauren would, Charlie liked to think he was too big for such grand gestures but he would still come and hug him. Then he'd kiss Molly and smile at his family, all the while thinking of another woman.

He hated himself. He'd never hated anyone in his life before and he especially despised himself for making himself be the first one. He'd had a friend a number of years ago, back before he'd even met Molly, who'd cheated on practically every girl he'd ever dated. Chandler had scolded him more times than he could remember, each time shaking his head and wondering how someone could care so little about another persons feelings. And yet here he was. Walking home, his clothes messy and un-tucked, having snuck out early to see Monica. To sleep with Monica. He couldn't deny it, no matter how much he tried. It had been that more than anything that had driven him on. He knew that now. Slowly his house loomed in the distance and he felt his pace slowing down. Never before had he been so reluctant to go home. He hated that feeling. He was usually so happy to see everyone again that he practically ran the last few metres. But now all he could think about was whether the smell of Monica still lingered on him. Whether Molly could ever forgive him if he confessed, whether his children would hate him for destroying their childhood.

"Chandler!" he heard a voice call out, and realised Molly must have been keeping a look out for him. He swallowed quickly, and bit his lip to stop the tears.

"Hey you" he replied, as she leapt into his arms, wrapping herself around him. But the embrace meant nothing to him now, he remained wooden.

"Oh Chandler, I was so worried. I thought … I don't even know what I thought! I was just so scared"

He hugged her close, told her he loved her, he was safe, he was fine. He was home now, everything was OK. She drank in his words, her tears eventually ceasing as she kissed him lightly on his cheek and told him she'd get breakfast started now, she hadn't wanted to until she knew where he was. He followed her into the house and wondered if Monica was gone from his life, or if he'd see her again. He didn't know which was worse.

XXX

Monica paced the strange apartment, her hair still messy and unkempt and the buttons on her blouse refused to match up. But she didn't even care. She hadn't managed to sit down since Chandler had run out on her almost two hours ago, she assumed he'd be home by now, holding Molly close as the kids played at their feet, the image of the perfect family. And that was what he wanted, she knew that now. The way he'd run out of here after the phone call had told her everything she needed to know. This was probably for the best anyway, she'd only just had her heart broken and she really didn't want to go there again. But … a little part of her muttered, you did have a great time together. You had so much in common. It seemed a shame to loose that, just because they had both had a bit too much to drink the night before, they had probably still been a little tipsy this morning as well. That was all it was. Slowly she reached out for the phone, praying with every fibre in her body that Chandler answered, if he didn't she had no idea how to get Molly off the phone.

"Hello?"

She exhaled deeply, not even aware that she'd been holding her breath, before speaking, "Hey, it's me. Look" she cut in quickly, desperate to keep him on the line, "I know I shouldn't be calling, but I just wanted to apologise. For everything. I think I'd had a bit too much to drink, we both had, and I shouldn't have let things get so out of hand"

"No" he replied, clearly glad that she wasn't calling to out him to his wife, "It was my fault. I should never have come round, it was just a bad idea"

She smiled, not even caring that he couldn't see her, "Look, Chandler. I was just thinking it's a shame we had to be so stupid, I mean I had a great night before we both got … well you know. And I thought maybe we could do something today. Just as friends, so … what do you say?" She could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. She held her breath again, hoping he'd agree, she really had had a great time, but maybe she'd ruined a great friendship with her stupid ideas and desires. It seemed like an age before he replied.

"Sounds like a great idea. I'll pick you up in an hour, give you the proper New York tour"

She hung up, the smile refusing to budge from her face. Her whole body felt lighter, but this was good. So what if nothing could ever happen between them? Nothing had to, they could just be friends. He seemed like the kind of friend she wanted to have.

XXX

Chandler knocked nervously on the door, hoping, praying that she really did look like a friend, and not like the Monica he had left only a few hours earlier. He could cope with spending the day with a friend, but spending the day with Monica might just cause him to do something he'd regret. And so as a foolproof backup plan he'd decided that showing her New York would mean just that, he'd cram so much into the day that there would be no chance for him to even look at her properly. And then they would be friends, someone he could look up whenever he was in Boston. And he could just look back on this week in times to come. Could tell it to his friends, refer to it was the craziest 12 hours of my life.

Slowly the door in front of him opened and Monica stepped out, her summer dress floating freely as she moved, and a wicker bag slung casually over her shoulder.

"Hey" she grinned, smiling at him the way only a true friend could. And in that instant all his worries vanished. Maybe this could be a friendship, nothing more.

"Right m'lady. Are you ready for Chandler Bing's patented non-stop New York tour?" she laughed, a real heartfelt laugh that he couldn't help but join in on. She linked her arm loosely in his as they set off down the stairs.

"First stop" he called out, still smiling, "Central Park!"

XXX

Monica collapsed exhausted into an overstuffed chair and tried desperately to catch her breath. Chandler had indeed given her the non-stop tour, they hadn't stopped moving all day. They'd done all the usuals, Rockafella Centre, Macy's, Bloomingdales, the Statue of Liberty. But he'd also taken her to his favourite comic book store, guaranteed to have the biggest collection of Archie and Jughead she'd ever find, they'd briefly paused to grab a falafel from a vender in the street, and Chandler had been amazed to find that someone other than him actually ate them. And now finally they were here, in a gorgeous little coffee house, that Chandler had promised served the best drinks she would ever taste.

"One iced tea" she heard him exclaim dramatically as he presented her with the biggest glass of iced tea she had ever seen. She smiled back up at him and in that instant their eyes met for what Monica realised was the first time all day. Without even thinking Chandler leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, a kiss not born out of passion, but out of love. And that scared Monica more than any kiss she had ever received.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey, I'm heading back to uni for the weekend so I thought I'd better post this before I left. This is Part 6 and pretty soon (the next two Parts I think ...) the second half of the story becomes clear. Please read and review, they mean a lot to me. Hope you enjoy!_

_Nina xxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 6**

Monica threw her clothes quickly into the suitcase she had hastily opened the second she had arrived back at Ross' apartment. No, the first thing she had done was call the airline and booked a return ticket to Boston. She needed to get back; now, she couldn't stay in New York. Not when Chandler was here, surrounding her. She couldn't feel anything for him; she was not going to be responsible for breaking up a marriage, especially one as perfect as Chandler and Molly's. Besides, she attempted to reassure herself, he probably wanted nothing more from her than sex. And once he'd had his fill of that he'd leave her and run straight back to Molly. And then where would Monica be? Sighing she sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing her pounding temples, deep down she knew Chandler wasn't like that. She recognised the love in his eyes when he looked at her. It was the same look that shined out of her own eyes whenever she saw him.

But there was no point to it all. She couldn't be with him, not without breaking Molly's heart, not to mention ruining two childhoods. And she really didn't want that on her conscience. Not now.

"Monica! Monica open up!"

Monica ignored the shouting and the incessant knocking. She knew it was him, he'd been out there for the past five minutes. But she couldn't let him in, she knew the second she did everything she'd told herself would vanish and her resolve would crumble. She'd fall into his arms and never let go.

"Monica please. Please. I … I love you"

Monica froze, the words echoing around her skull. 'I love you' … but did he mean it? How could he mean it? They'd hardly known each other for any amount of time, he couldn't love her. Could he? Ignoring every bit of common sense in her body, Monica stood up, her head still aching, and walked slowly over to the apartment door. For a second she contemplated stopping there, but she couldn't. She needed to know. Slowly she opened the door and in that instant she knew. He loved her. She could feel it surging through him in practically the same way it was surging through her. She fell into his arms, holding onto him with all her strength as he gently kissed the top of her head. And she knew, she finally knew, this was where she wanted to be.

"Chandler?" she called out faintly, not even sure why she was broaching the subject, not even sure how he'd respond. "What are you going to do?"

"About what?" he replied softly, his eyes still closed and his arms warm and safe around her shoulder.

Monica took a deep breath, it was no or never. "About us … and … Molly". She paused, letting the word hang in the air between them, polluting it. She knew this couldn't be easy for him, he hadn't argued with Molly, she loved him and she knew he still loved her, but she needed to know, before she walked out and caught her plane back to Boston she needed to know.

Chandler opened his eyes, the pain evident for all to see. He didn't know. He honestly had no idea what he would do. He wanted to be with Monica every second of every day, but at the same time he couldn't bear to hurt Molly, couldn't stand the thought of not being around to see his children all the time. He leaned closer into Monica's embrace, burying himself in it.

"I don't know" he replied, his voice hoarse, "I'll have to leave her, I know but …"

Monica smiled up at him, hiding the pain she was feeling, "I understand. Just take your time" slowly she pressed her lips against his cheeks, letting him know that she was with him, she loved him and she would wait for him, no matter how long it took him to work up the courage. But, he suddenly realised, he didn't want her to understand, he didn't want to make her wait. He leapt up, sending the cushions flying as the couch rose without his weight. He would tell her now, right now. He owed that much to Monica.

"I'll be back soon" he called out as he rushed home, for what he realised, would be the very last time.

XXX

Molly was in the kitchen when she heard the front door open. She assumed it would be Chandler and waited for the usual shout, or witty remark, the sound of her children's footsteps as they ran into their fathers open arms. They never came. He'd probably just tired, she scolded herself as she flicked the switch on the kettle reading for his cup of coffee. He probably just didn't want to see the kids straight away, they could be too much sometimes, especially if he'd had a bad day at work. She fixed a smile onto her face and prepared herself for his entrance, where he would undoubtedly wrap his arms around her waist and draw her in for a kiss, as he had done every day for the past 7 years. The kiss, like the laughter, never came.

"Molly?"

There was something about his tone that made her want to turn and run, certain she didn't want to hear what he was about to say.

"We … I need to talk"

Her brain screamed out for her to leave, run away and pretend this had never happened, but her body refused to obey. Obediently she sat down, imagining the worst case scenario, her parents were dead, Ross had been run over, the children were dying. But nothing could have ever prepared her for what came next,

"I'm … I'm leaving Molly, I'm sorry."

"What?" she chocked out, not even really hearing what he was saying, "Do you have to go away with work?"

He shook his head, tears now forming in his eyes, "No Molly. I'm leaving. I'm so sorry. I … I'll just get some things now, I'll come back for the rest next week. I'm so sorry Molly"

It didn't make sense. Why would Chandler leave her? They had the perfect marriage, people had always told her that, why would he want out of that? It just didn't add up. And despite being terrified of what his answer might be, she knew she had to ask the question.

"Why? Is this just some early mid-life crisis or what, Chandler?"

He shook his head, his gaze avoiding hers, "No, I've … I've met someone else Molly."


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey. I know it's been like an eternity since I updated this and I am so sorry for that, but I've been working on it so it's all been coming together. If you can forgive me for my months long absence could you r&r please? Hope you enjoy and again, please review! Constructive criticism is always welcome. _

_Nina xxx_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 7**

Monica pulled open the door the second she heard him outside. He stood in front of her, his hair dripping with rain and two battered suitcases clutched in his bright red hands. But despite it all, he was smiling. Slowly her grin grew to match his own and in the most un-Monica like moment she threw herself into his arms, laughing like she'd never laughed before.

XXX

Someone else? How could there be someone else? He loved her, he'd always told her he loved her. They had the perfect marriage, why would he want to walk away from that? Besides, Chandler never went anywhere, where would he meet someone else? Everyone he worked with was over 45, and the only other places he went, she went too. It just didn't make sense. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Mommy?"

Lauren. In the confusion of the past hour Molly had almost forgotten she had children, but suddenly she was confronted by them. Lauren, looking worryingly at her mother, he blonde hair messy and unkempt, her blue eyes calling out to Molly. Slowly she wiped her tears and pulled her daughter up onto her lap, enjoying the weight on her knee, finding comfort in it.

"Where's daddy?"

Of all the questions, Molly had been least prepared for that one. What was she supposed to tell them? Charlie would probably understand that daddy loved someone else, but not Lauren, she was too young to even comprehend it. God it would be so much easier if he'd died, cruel as it sounded. She would tell Lauren that daddy still loved her, but he was in Heaven. Friends and family would rally round her and no one would mind when she took a few weeks off work. But how do you explain your husbands left you for another woman, left because you just weren't what he wanted anymore, you weren't good enough to keep him? You couldn't, but for her children's sake she had to try.

"Daddy's … daddy's just gone away for a bit sweetheart that's all" she begged whomever was up there to let that be it, let that be everything her daughter wanted to know.

"Why?"

Molly sighed and kissed her daughter's soft, downy hair, "He had to see someone else for a little while. But don't worry, you'll see him soon"

It was the first time she had ever lied to her daughter.

XXX

Slowly Monica released herself from Chandler's embrace, the headache she had been nursing for the past few days now almost gone as she smiled down at him and suddenly imagined waking up to his smile everyday for the rest of her life. And that thought lifted her until she almost believed she could fly. But then out of the corner she could almost see reality fly in. And their perfect existence began to explode.

" Chandler?" she asked quietly, hoping that by playfully running her fingers through his hair he might miss the seriousness of the conversation. "What are we doing?"

He turned to face her, propping himself up on his elbows, "What do you mean?"

"I mean … I mean what are we doing? We've known each other a week and you've left your wife and … neither of us has a place to live and … and I'm in Boston and my head really hurts and … everything just seems to be against us"

He smiled at her, enjoying the worry in her tone before gently kissing her, hoping to take away all the misgivings. "I know" he replied, "I've never done anything like this before, but I know that I've never felt this way before" he gave her what he hoped was his sweetest smile. It seemed to work as she moved her head into his lap, now relaxing.

"Keep talking"

His grin grew wider as he gently stroked her hair, "And I know that I can't wait to wake up next to you everyday. And I know how amazing it is to find someone else with the same taste in comics as me. And I love the way you smile. And the way you laugh. And I just love you. I don't care where we live, or how big the place is. As long as I can wake up with you"

"Chandler Bing, I never knew you had such a way with words"

As he wrapped his arms around her and sank back into the warm sheets he realised he honestly didn't care. As long as he had Monica then everything else would be OK.

XXX

Ross began to hum to himself as he walked up the steps to his apartment. He was relieved that he'd soon have the place to himself again, much as he loved his sister he could only normally handle her in small doses, and this was definitely beginning to border on a big dose. He would miss having Rachel around though, he'd miss her laugh more than anything, but after their talks over the last week she'd made it pretty clear that he was, and always would be, Monica's older brother. But at least when he didn't see her he could at least pretend not to think about her.

The second he turned his key in the lock he heard the muffle of voices within, he assumed it was Rachel and Monica, packing, but then the voices grew louder, insistent and with a bang he threw open his door, preparing to greet the thief. Instead he saw his sister, and his best friend, their faces flushed and the sheets from the spare room wrapped hastily around their naked bodies.

"Monica?" he called out, not even sure why he made it a question. He knew the answer, "What are you …" but then his gaze wandered to Chandler. A man he knew better than anyone else in the world, a man who had a wife and two children probably waiting for him at home. He wanted to reach across and choke him, make him pay for going behind Molly's back.

" Chandler? What about Molly?" the anger began to rise, bile in the back of his throat, "How could you do this to her! She loves you and you're sneaking around behind her back! It's disgusting Chandler! I can't believe you could even –"

But Chandler was quicker, and cut him off before he could finish, "She knows Ross!" he shouted, forcing Ross into silence, "I left her this morning. She knows"

She knew? He'd left her? For Monica? "You've left her?" he called out, his quiet voice rising again, "You've left your wife for her? A woman you've known for a week! Are you stupid?"

Their voices continued to rise; the insults flew back and forth. Neither of them noticed Monica until she collapsed on the floor at their feet.


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow, so it's actually been a lifetme since I updated this. But I think I have finally gotten over my writers block and this is ready to be revived. I have had the ending chapters written since 2005/6 so hopefully this should be finished within a reasonable time scale. My sincere apologies for the delay in this. But I hope it was worth at least some of the wait!_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Chapter 8**

"Monica? Monica? Mon, can you hear me?!" Chandler shouted, his voice growing more and more frantic with each passing second. "Monica please! Ross!" he shouted out to his friend, still frozen his mouth half open and trying to comprehend the last five minutes of his life, "Ross! Call 911. She needs to go to the ER"

But before Ross had even reached the phone, before he had even moved, Monica's eyelids began to flutter and with a small cough she opened them, "Chandler? What's wrong?"

He could have hugged her, covered her in kisses just for knowing his name, instead he helped her sit up and placed his hand on the small of her back, supporting her with all his heart. "I … you … don't you remember? How do you feel?" it all came out in a single breath and Chandler wasn't sure he was making much sense. His heart wanted desperately to be happy that Monica was alive but a small part of him wouldn't let it. Kept asking the questions that he really didn't want answering, why had she collapsed?

Monica shook her head, catching a glimpse of Ross as she did so. She began to smile but then realised that both she and Chandler were still naked, covered only by spare sheets and quickly stood up. "God Ross, I'm so sorry. You should know, this –" she gestured to herself and Chandler, "- it's more than sex. So much more. I love him. And he loves me, Ross. Ross?" In an instant he sprang to life, moving at almost double normal speed as he sat Monica down on the sofa, wrapping an extra blanket around her shoulders as he made her a mug of sweet tea.

"Mon?" he asked eventually, once reassured that the tea was fine, she was warm enough and her cushions were fine thank you, "Don't you think you should go to the ER? I once read that if anyone's unconscious for more than 10 seconds then they should get themselves checked out …"

She simply smiled at him, before taking his hand, "Ross I'm fine. I feel fine" she lied, her headache now back with a vengeance, "It was nothing. Probably just the stress of the last few days. You know what I'm like"

"Mon, you've never collapsed before"

"Well, maybe I was just under more stress than usual"

"I really think you should –"

"Ross" she interrupted, "I feel fine. I feel great. There is nothing wrong with me. Can you just let it go?"

He fought the urge to fight back and simply nodded, "OK, fine, but promise me something?" She nodded, smiling at him, "Next time you feel ill go straight to the ER? And I mean even if you feel a little bit ill. Promise?"

Monica attempted a smile as she fought to hide the crippling pain of her headache, "I promise" she replied, kissing him lightly on the cheek. It was a promise she had no intention of keeping.

X

Ross wasn't really sure where he was walking, only that he needed to keep moving. He had left Chandler and Monica alone, hoping they would finally start to realise how stupid they were being now someone else knew about their relationship. Ha, relationship that made him laugh. He'd got a carton of milk in his fridge that had known him longer than Chandler and Monica had know each other. It was pure infatuation, he knew that, heck, he'd been married, he knew what it was like. But, and he was fairly confident, before long Chandler would realise he wanted nothing more than sex and once that was settled he could go and apologise to Molly. Sure she'd make him suffer before taking him back, but she would take him back. No doubt about it. And then he would have his apartment back and his life back and he could burn the sheets from his spare room and pretend none of this had ever happened.

But the fainting had really freaked him out. In all the years he'd known Monica she'd never done that, hell she hardly ever got ill. She hardly ever ilet/i herself get ill. But, he hastily reassured himself, she said she felt fine. She looked fine. People fainted all the time, it was no big deal. She'd had a stressful time lately, with everything moving so fast between her and Chandler.

Her and Chandler. Ross still couldn't believe it, couldn't even bring himself to say it out loud. It didn't make sense. Sure Monica had met Chandler before, she'd been at his wedding to Molly for Christ's sake. And there'd never been anything between them. So how come they were now so madly in love? So in love that Chandler would leave his wife, his soulmate, his perfect woman for someone he'd met only days before? It was crazy. Not the kind of thing Chandler did. Not the kind of thing any responsible married man did.

Sighing Ross thrust his hands deep into his pockets as he turned around, deciding he'd better head home before his sister and his best friend got too comfortable on his new leather sofa.

X

Monica lay enveloped in Chandler's arms, dozing in and out of sleep. She's been doing it for that past few hours, too tired to stay awake. But every time she closed her eyes the headache would come back and she couldn't ignore it enough to even get an hours rest. Rubbing her temples slightly, she glanced up at Chandler. He was asleep, just as she'd suspected, his mouth slightly open and his head leaning against the back of the sofa. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful, that Monica just wanted to kiss him.

Instead she eased herself out of his embrace, careful not to wake him, and crept silently into the kitchen searching desperately for the aspirin. Even she had to admit the fainting had scared her, much as she wanted to pretend otherwise. She couldn't remember much about it, just the crippling pain of her headache and then … then she was on the floor and Chandler's worried face was stood over her. She knew she couldn't ignore the headaches, they'd been there for weeks now. But a part of her still refused to admit they were anything more than stress headaches. She'd broken up with her boyfriend and then got involved in the most intense relationship of her life, anyone would be suffering. As the pain got worse she felt the tears pricking at the back of her eyes as she hastily swallowed the tablets, steadying herself on the sink.

Ross would be watching her like a hawk now, and Chandler. Just waiting for the opportunity to whisk her off to the ER and stand around. Nodding and tutting, telling the doctor how they'd told her to come in the first time it happened. Well, she vowed, she wouldn't let them. Not matter how bad things got, she wouldn't give them the satisfaction of being right.


	9. Chapter 9

_No, this isn't the end, plenty more to come! Hope you enjoy this. Please R&R, constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated D_

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Chapter 9**

Chandler woke late the next morning, Monica still curled tightly in his arms. He smiled as he looked down at her sleeping face, but he felt a frown easing onto his face as he saw the look of intense concentration on her face. It was almost as though, even her sleep, Monica was trying to keep from showing how much she was hurting. Pulling her closer to him he planted feather light kisses on her face, gently stirring her awake. As she opened her eyes he thought he saw the faintest grimace of pain before her smile was back and Chandler was left wondering if he'd imagined the change at all.

"Morning you" he whispered, keeping his face fixed in a smile, still determined to focus on the new life they were starting together than the old one he was being forced to leave behind.

She smiled back at him, her face betraying none of what had happened the previous day, "Good morning" she whispered, still wiping the last traces of sleep from her voice, "And what do you have planned for this fine day?". In her daydreams today would be spent with just the two of them, breakfast in bed, before strolling lazily over to the park. Maybe lunch at a small café and then who knows? A movie maybe, maybe they could even get tickets to a show. Do the whole tourist thing. See New York for the first time now that they were together. But, as she saw Chandler's brow knit together she knew that that was not how he was spending his day.

Avoiding her eyes he finally began speaking, "I need to go and see Molly today" he cleared his throat, forcing himself to carry on, "Er … I think I need to be there when she tells the kids, you know? And then we need to discuss everything. Custody, the house, the … the divorce" He smiled down at her, "But we can go out to dinner tonight if you want. Make reservations anywhere you want. We can have our first official date" He smiled again, leaning down to kiss her forehead before sliding out of the bed and walking towards the living room.

Monica sat up, wrapping the covers around her suddenly cold body. She knew he was trying to be nice, trying to make this as easy as possible. For everyone. But suddenly, she realised just how much Chandler was giving up. How grown up and settled and normal his life had been. Before her. She knew she loved Chandler, she'd never felt this way before and sometimes it scared her. But was that enough? He'd obviously loved Molly, they'd been married for years. They had 2 children. Jesus, she was going to be a stepmom. Someday. How had this happened? With the questions slowly suffocating her and nausea rising in her throat Monica raced into the bathroom only seconds before she vomited in the toilet.

X

Chandler took a deep breath and tried in vain to rub the sweat from his palms before raising his hand and timidly knocking on the door that had once been his to open as he wished. It only took a few seconds for the sound of the lock being unlatched reached his ears, Molly had obviously been waiting for him. He stood up straight, trying to prepare himself. Nothing could. The sight of Molly, of his wife, a woman he had promised to love, standing in front of him, her eyes ringed red and her clothes hastily thrown on. And he hated himself for doing this to her. Naïve as it was, he'd never thought of what he was doing to Molly, only what being without Monica was doing to him. In his mind he saw them as eventually having some sort of Bruce and Demi relationship, without considering the crap they'd have to go through first.

"Molly, I … well we … we need to …"

She sighed, before stepping aside, "Come in Chandler, we need to talk about this"

X

Almost two hours later they finished their fourth cup of coffee and finally began to breathe.

"So I'll see the kids this weekend? And then alternate ones for now?"

Molly nodded, "I don't want to confuse them too much, so I think it'd be best if you came here at first. And Chandler," she added, her neutral expression slipping into anger for the briefest second, "I haven't told them much. You're the one ripping this family apart, I'm not going to be left to break your children's hearts. Just …" she cut in, refusing to let him speak, "what ever you tell them, just let me know. OK?"

He nodded, words not forming in his mouth anymore.

"And I'll call my lawyer on Monday. I'm assuming you want a divorce as soon as possible? OK. So then we just need to go over alimony, money for the kids and the house. And then that's it. I guess …" He nodded again, "So I think that's it. Goodbye Chandler. I'll call you when I've spoken to the lawyer"

Chandler nodded for the third time, angry that he couldn't seem to make himself to anything more, before walking over to the door and letting himself out. Molly waited until she heard his car pull away from the kerb before she crumbled, sinking to her knees as she felt the tears fall.

X

Chandler started the engine as soon as he reached the car, throwing it into drive and speeding off hoping his breathing would steady the more he drove. He'd expected a lot from seeing Molly today, but never in any one of his fantasies had he imagined her like that. Gruff and businesslike as she discussed the end of their marriage. She'd always been the emotional one, the smiling, laughing happy one. How she'd transformed in only a few short days Chandler didn't want to know. Instead he forced Molly from his head as he pulled the car over, reaching for his cell and dialling Monica's number. She answered on the first ring.

"Monica? Hey … good, it was weird but listen, we can talk about that later. Do you wanna grab some lunch? Then we could go to the park if you wanted, or catch a movie. The day is yours Mon." he smiled as he heard her voice, "I'll be there in about 15 minutes. I love you"

X

Monica smiled as she snapped her cell phone shut. Maybe her perfect day could still happen. She practically skipped into her bedroom, throwing open her cases searching for the perfect summer dress. Bent over the bed she barely even noticed the dull ache of a headache as it crept in. It was only when she found the dress, smiling broadly as she straightened herself up sharply, that the pain became fierce drawing tears to her eyes.

Struggling as her eyes clouded over, Monica made her way into the kitchen, where Ross had left out some Aspirin for her. But she couldn't make it. Somewhere between her bedroom and the lounge Monica felt her head explode as her knees gave way and everything went black.


	10. Chapter 10

_Part 10! Hope you're all still enjoying this guys D_

**Walk Away and I Stumble**

**Chapter 10**

Chandler practically skipped up the steps of the apartment block, his heart feeling lighter with every step he took. So things hadn't gone according to plan with Molly. No scratch that. Things had gone exactly to plan and that was the problem. But, he reasoned, it was probably best not to drag Monica into all of that. At least not yet. Now he just wanted it to be about them, and only them. At least for a few hours in Central Park. Smiling he pushed open the apartment door, knowing full well it wouldn't be locked and began calling out for her, "Mon? You almost ready?"

He walked through the living room, shedding his coat as he did so, before detouring to the kitchen for a glass of water. It was only when he rounded the sofa that he saw the figure twisted on the floor. And only when he got closer that he realised it was Monica lying there, broken and barely breathing.

X

Chandler held tightly onto to Monica's arm as they were rushed through the unusually quite ER department, determined to never let her go. He couldn't let her go, he wasn't going to lose her now, not when he'd only just found her.

Ross followed behind him, shaken from Chandler's phone call, keeping his distance, but the worry still visible on his face for all to see.

"I'm sorry!" the nurse called out as Chandler attempted to follow them into the Trauma room, Monica's hand still clutched in his, "You can't come in here". And with that she was taken from him, her body limp and still wrapped in the throw he'd wrapped around her as they waited for the paramedics, as he watched her go. Praying with all his heart that she came back to him.

He breathed a sigh of relief when, only an hour later, he was told Monica had been moved to a room, and he could see her as soon as he wanted. He shook the doctor by the hand, a wide grin on his face. Monica was awake, she was sat up in bed and that could only be a good thing. He bounded up to the ward, taking the stairs two at a time until he reached her floor and then he flung the door open, finally locating her in the end bed, her face pale and drawn, but other wise the same Monica. He sat down beside her, kissing her gently as he did so, only pulling back when he realised she wasn't reciprocating,

"Mon? What's wrong?" he asked, puzzled, only then noticing the small lines of tears snaking their way down her face.

"They've found a growth" she choked out as her blue eyes met his, "On my brain, they don't know what it is yet but they're saying …" she paused, looking for the right words, "… they think it's cancer, Chandler. They're saying I've got a brain tumour."

And in that instant his whole existence crumbled around his feet.

XXX

Molly hadn't slept. She'd lain awake all night, not even really thinking, more aware of the empty space to her right. She hated it. She hadn't slept alone for one night in the past seven years. And she didn't want to get used to it now. The space was infinite, a giant void that stretched across a bed now too large for her slight frame. She could still smell him on the pillow beside her and ached to hold it close and breathe in his scent. But she refused to let herself. She clung desperately to the anger and hate she was supposed to be feeling, to the mad desire to cut up all his clothes and throw them at him. She knew that's what she was supposed to be feeling, she knew she should be hating him. But instead all she felt was a dull ache in the pit of her stomach. Their meeting had only served to make this ache worse. Instead of walking away hating him, she'd walked away wishing he would come back to her.

Then into the darkness she heard the faint rap of a door. Her door. Reaching blindly into the darkness for her gown, she felt herself praying that this was Chandler, calling to beg for forgiveness.

"Molly?" she heard him say, his voice heavy with emotion, as she padded down the stairs "I need …" and then he was crying an ocean.

"Chandler," she asked, opening the door to find him standing there, his clothes obviously hastily thrown on and his face pale and drawn. Molly was too rocked by his tears to even begin to milk his apologies.

"I'm sorry" he choked out, "I just didn't know where else to go."

That confused her, didn't know where else to go? But he was supposed to be here begging for forgiveness, to ask to be taken back. Where else could he go?

"It's Monica"

Monica? Ross' sister? But what did she have to do with anything … and then it was clear. The other woman, the person who had destroyed their marriage. Was Monica. Was their best friends sister, was someone he had only known for a month. And he was asking her for advice about Monica? He was asking his wife for advice about his mistress? She opened her mouth, ready to launch into a tirade when he spoke again,

"She's dying Molly. They're saying she's got a brain tumour"

There was nothing else to say as his tears flowed thick and fast, and with each one a little piece of his heart began to break. It was too much for Molly, she closed her eyes and opened her arms to him. Not to Chandler her husband, but to Chandler her best friend, who had just been told the woman he loved was dying.

Half an hour later the coffee seemed to have slowed the flood of tears as he sat in what used to be his front room, there were still traces of him dotted around, an old work tie that Molly hadn't dared touch just in case he came back. But Chandler couldn't look at them, they reminded him too much of the chaos of his life.

"You want to talk about it?" Molly asked gently, as she refilled his cooling mug. He shook his head but began to speak anyway.

"I don't know what to do, Mol, I couldn't even look at her. It's just … it's so unfair" the tears began to choke out as he struggled to catch his breath, "We've only just … we were meant to be together forever Mol, how can this be? She's so young, it's not fair"

She held him in her arms, rubbing his back as her dressing gown began to absorb his tears. It wasn't fair, she knew that, but a small part of her began to enjoy a small sense of victory. Ha! She thought quickly, before banishing those thoughts, so the woman you left me for is dying? Serves you right! But those thoughts wouldn't help anybody, especially not now.

XXX

Monica was curled up in her hospital bed, the covers pulled up tightly around her chin, cocooning her from the outside world. She hadn't seen Chandler since she'd told him, and then the hospital hadn't even been sure that it was cancer. But he hadn't waited around to find out. Monica knew she had to give him time, but right now she wanted to be selfish. She wanted to be held and to be told that it would be OK, he would be there for her, do whatever she wanted.

She wondered what death felt like. In the movies people with cancer always died peacefully, surrounded by the people that loved them. She hoped it was like that for her, she didn't want to be in pain when the time came. And just like that it hit her. She was dying. She was never going to be a mother, was never going to feel a child moving inside her, she was never going to get married, she wasn't going to get to be with Chandler forever. They weren't going to raise their children in the nice house in Boston.

The tears fell silently as her list grew more and more extreme. She was never going to know who won the Oscar this year, she'd never get to read the final Harry Potter book, she'd never see The Sound of Music all the way to the end, something she'd been planning on doing for as long as she could remember. She'd never really have a life. She'd die, right now, just when things were finally going OK for her.

As she closed her eyes and fell into a restless sleep she wondered vaguely if she would ever see daylight again.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks for the reviews guys, I love them. Here's chapter 11, hope you enjoy!_

Walk Away and I Stumble

Chapter 11

At first Chandler didn't know where he was, even though the cream carpet and patterned wallpaper seemed familiar to him. He couldn't understand why he wasn't at Monica's, why he couldn't feel her body nestled up against his. And then in an instant everything came screaming back to him. How Monica had collapsed the day before, how he'd been so scared that she'd die right there, in his arms. The frantic dash to the hospital and his joy when the doctor told him she was awake, and seemed fine. Only to be told hours later that she was dying, that the woman he loved so much it hurt him, was leaving him already. She had only months to live.

"You're awake"

Molly. He'd come round to Molly's house, the only place he had thought off, the only place it had made sense to go. He nodded his head and sat up, rubbing his sore neck as he watched her place a steaming cup of coffee in front of him.

"The kids are upstairs, I didn't want them seeing you here. It would just confuse them."

Chandler nodded, and thanked her for the coffee, "And thanks, for last night" he added as she walked back towards the kitchen. As he drained his mug, not even noticing the scalding contents, he remembered how he'd ran out on Monica the day before. He'd just left her, hadn't even said goodbye, he'd been too scared. He jumped up, frantically straightening his clothes and ran towards the door, hoping Molly understand what he had to do.

XXX

Monica hadn't slept well, but for once it hadn't been the headaches that had kept her awake. All night her thoughts had been full of Chandler, of what he was doing, whether he was thinking of her, whether he'd even really loved her. Or was she just a fling? Someone to have fun with and then he could go back to his wife, but now she was dying it had suddenly become serious and he didn't want that. She wiped her eyes, sweeping away any trace of moisture, before pulling the stiff covers back and thrusting her feet into her shoes. She grabbed her clothes from the stand beside her bed and began to dress as fast as she could, pulling the wires out of her arms as she did so. She needed to get out of here, God knows how long she had left, weeks or months, but she couldn't spend it lying in a hospital bed. With or without Chandler she was going home.

"Miss Geller? What do you think you're doing?"

Monica briefly turned to face the nurse, but then resumed dressing herself before walking past her towards the nurses station, "Hi" she began, speaking to the first doctor she found, "I'd like to discharge myself. Now. Please"

"Monica?" she heard him call out, his voice deep with concern, "What are you doing?"

She turned to face him, determined not to cry, "I'm going home Chandler, I can't die in this place. I just can't." To her surprise he simply nodded before approaching her slowly.

"OK. Whatever you want, I'm here for you"

"Do you really mean that?" she asked, her voice low.

"Yes" he replied before gently squeezing her hand in his, "I'm sorry about last night. But I mean it, I'm here for you. Whatever you want me to do, I'm there" Monica smiled back at him, something in his smile convinced her that he was sincere, he really did mean it. Filled with new resolve she turned back to the doctor,

"Like I said, I'd like to discharge myself. As soon as possible please"

He simply nodded before summoning her over to the nurses station, presenting her with a single sheet of paper. "It's no problem, you just need to sign here. It just makes it clear that it was your idea to discharge yourself, and that you are aware of any detrimental effects of your condition due to you no longer receiving hospital treatment."

She forced a wry smile as she signed, "I'm dying. Would you call that detrimental?", before taking hold of Chandler's hand and walking slowly towards the hospital exit. Towards the end of her life.

XXX

Ross had enjoyed a quiet night's sleep. It had almost been a full night's sleep, but the images of Monica and Chandler had returned to haunt him a few times. He'd left the hospital as soon as he and Chandler had been told Monica had been moved to a ward. Chandler had wanted to be alone with her for a little while and an hour later when he hadn't emerged Ross had simply gone home. If Monica had really been ill they'd have told him by now. He'd see her tomorrow, he'd told himself, if she was even still in the hospital. So he'd simply caught a cab home and tried to explain the whole sorry mess to Rachel. She'd left for the airport early this morning to try and get a refund on hers and Monica's wasted flights, and to try and rebook hers for the next day. She needed to get back, she'd told him, and Monica's latest little crush wasn't going to make her loose her job.

He pulled his shoes on while he sat on the couch, intending to swing by the hospital on his way to work. It was only when he saw Monica walk into the apartment, closely followed by Chandler that he stopped.

"Mon!" he practically yelled, leaping to his feet and hugging her tight, "You're back! What did they say, is everything alright?" he was too caught up in the moment to notice the glace Chandler shot at his sister, instead he focused his energy into praying she was OK.

She paused for a split second, before nodding her head emphatically and smiling at him, "Yeah. They think it was just stress. I'm fine. Just a little tired"

Ross exhaled, not even aware that he had been holding his breath. "Oh thank God. You had me worried!" he leant in and kissed his sister gently, "OK, I gotta get to work but I'll see you later. Love you sis"

Monica kept her back to Chandler for as long as she dared, knowing that as soon as she turned around she'd have to tell him why she'd had just lied to her brother. Why she wanted to hide the very thing she should be sharing with him. And she couldn't, she didn't even know the reason herself.


	12. Chapter 12

_So sorry for the delay. Real life keeps getting in the way of writing!!! _

**Walk Away And I Stumble**

**Part 12**

"Monica?" Chandler asked, gentle at first, desperately trying to remain calm, but he didn't want to snap at her. He didn't want her to leave him any sooner than she had to. But the next word was harder, he didn't even know how to phrase the questions that burned on his lips. Why was she doing this? What was the point? She needed people's support now, not secrecy. But every word died on his lips before it even became coherent. Finally Monica saved him from himself.

"I don't know" she replied, keeping her back to him. "I just couldn't. If I say it then it makes it true and … and I'm scared Chandler. I don't want any of it to be real."

He knew the feeling. Slowly he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, turning her gently under her head was buried in the crook of his neck. He didn't speak for what felt like an eternity, he just held her and, although he would never admit to anybody, he tried to memorise every inch of her. For days when he wanted nothing more than to feel her in his arms.

"You need to tell them soon" he whispered, breaking the overhanging silence. "They need to know –"

"-it'll be harder for them if I don't, I know. I just don't know if I can."

He stroked her hair, committing every fibre to memory, it's shine, the way it almost looked black sometimes, it's smell. Everything. "What did the doctors say? Exactly?"

She pulled away from him and sat back on Ross' sofa, she couldn't look him in the eye when she told him, "That it was inoperable. Apparently it's the size of an orange now and in the centre of my brain. It's too late for radiotherapy and there's no guarantee that it would have worked even if they'd caught it earlier. He doesn't think I'll make it to Christmas."

Chandler quickly did the math; Christmas was only 7 months away. How could she only have seven months to live? It didn't make sense. People,_ healthy_ people, don't just get told they have seven months to live. It was impossible. It wasn't fair. How could she be taken from him so soon? He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, not just seven months. He loved her, more than he'd ever loved anybody and selfish as it was, he just wasn't ready to let her go. Not yet.

She caught his expression as she slowly turned to face him and attempted a grin, "I know. But hey, think of the money you'll save on my present"

He wanted to laugh, he really did. He wanted it to be funny. He wanted them to laugh together and promise they would do this together, whatever it took. But he couldn't. Instead he hurriedly brushed a tear from his eye as Monica held him close. As his dying girlfriend comforted _him_. It just didn't seem real. Like it was all a bad dream. One he couldn't wake from.

XXX

Ross whistled as he walked home, certain that by the time he got there Monica would have packed up her things and would be ready for the flight back to Boston. This whole fling with Chandler was probably already over, either that or he'd decided to go with her. Either way he gave it a week before Chandler was begging Molly for forgiveness. And he'd have his flat back to himself. The whistle died on his lips when he saw them still sat in his living room. But annoyance quickly gave way to fear as he saw the tears slowly snaking their way down Chandler's cheeks. Molly was his first thought, or Charlie, or Lauren. Maybe all of them. He rushed over and knelt beside his friend.

"Chandler? Chandler what is it? Is it Molly? Is she OK?" the worry was growing with each passing second. It was eventually Monica, who spoke,

"No, they're all fine. It's … it's me Ross" she gave a second for that to sink in, but confusion was still etched upon her brother's face, "I'm dying. I'm not fine, Ross. The doctors say I've got a brain tumour."

It didn't make sense. She'd been fine this morning. Perfectly fine. They'd discharged her. Why would they do that if she had a brain tumour? Surely she should be starting treatment, now. Why was she home? "So what's the plan?" he croaked out, trying desperately to be the practical one, "Chemo? Radiotherapy? An operation? What?" he expected a barrage of answers. A step by step plan of how they were going to beat this thing. Instead Monica just shook her head.

"I die Ross. That's all I can do. The tumours in an awkward place so they can't operate. And all chemo or radiotherapy would do is buy me time, not cure me. There's nothing they can do."

He didn't know how to react. Something told him he should start screaming, either that or burst into floods of tears. That's what always happened in the movies. You get told someone is dying and either you're inconsolable or you're breaking down walls in anger. Instead all he wanted to do was to hold her so tightly that she couldn't let go. And then at least she'd be here. People weren't meant to die at 28. All he could do was stare at her, his little sister, as his existence fell slowly to his feet.

XXX

Monica had thought it was hard enough being told she was going to die but that was nothing compared to telling other people. She'd always hated it when people she loved cried, and being the one making them cry was almost too much to bear. She hadn't wanted to tell her parents, or even Rachel. But Chandler and Ross had been insistent. She'd eventually compromised on telling Rachel and her work. But she didn't want her parents knowing. At least not yet. If she only had seven months to live she didn't want to spend them with her mother telling her what to do.

Telling Rachel had been the hardest. They hadn't spoken in a while. And she cried easily at the best of times, her earlier anger at Monica had only made the tears fall quicker. She'd offered to get right back on the plane and come to New York but Monica had put her foot down. She felt fine, she'd reassured her, and she had months left yet. She didn't want a big fuss being made of her. She'd call if she needed anything. And then she'd hung up, fully aware that a fuss was going to be made of her. That Chandler would be forever watching her. Ross would call 911 the second she complained of a headache. And who knew if she'd see Rachel again? For all she knew she could go suddenly downhill next week and Rachel couldn't get a flight out in time. She'd make it to the funeral though, would definitely be there. Her funeral. She'd have to start planning that soon. She could get a folder. With a vague smile she remembered the wedding planner she'd painstakingly put together as a child.

With a sob she realised she would never use it.


End file.
